If you remember giggle-snorting over my 2018 compilation of Top 20 True Tales from the Laundromat, you are not alone. It has endured as one of my most popular posts, clinging to the top of the list like an acrylic sock to a fleece jacket.
And guess what. I’ve continued to collect these stories since then, and I’m giving you a quarter’s worth more — no scrounging for actual coins required!
To recap:
One of many “You Do You” facets of RV life is that some folks go for the in-coach washer and dryer, and others don’t. Although we’ve got dedicated hookups for them in our bedroom closet, we opted against installing our own machines, and here’s why: We didn’t want to sacrifice the storage space, weight allowance, or power & water usage, when we can do our laundry elsewhere — in a facility that someone else has to maintain and repair.
Top 20 True Tales from the Laundromat, OwnLessDoMore.us, November 2018
Wondering about the cost comparison? Well, we’ve been on the road for 6+ years, paying to do laundry nearly every week. Sometimes a nearby friend offers up their machines, or we get free facilities as part of a workamping gig, but we still probably average about $6/week.
A new RV washer-dryer combo would have paid for itself by now, with enough green left over for new wardrobes for both of us. We do not care. The entertainment value alone is worth it to this girl, and since Tim only does laundry if he absolutely has to (like if I’ve recently given birth, or had cancer surgery, or happen to be located several hundred miles away), he does not get a vote. We like this system. It works for us. End of discussion.
But one more thing before I get to the final spin: you cannot force True Tales from the Laundromat. They must rise organically from the lint trap, and reveal themselves like a stain you forgot to pre-treat on your favorite hoodie.
So are you ready to get sudsy? I’m starting with the one and only heart-warming story, and then you should prepare for the load to become a little more… unbalanced.
“Here. Let me buy you some dryer time.”
“You guys too. Here’s some dryer time.”
“Have some dryer time, on me.”
A man just walked around the room depositing little stacks of quarters into smiling people’s hands, and explaining that he’d found some cash on the ground, didn’t know whether or not it had fallen out of his own pocket, and nobody nearby had claimed it, so he decided to put it in the change machine and pay it forward.
I’m gonna pay mine forward too.
How unexpectedly fun is this???
(January 2020, Apache Junction AZ)
Today you get a tail from the laundromat.
Sorry.
#justsaynotocrack
(December 2018, Kerrville TX)
I’ve enjoyed unfettered access this week to our friends’ laundry room and its mega-sized washer and dryer.
I think I could wash every item of clothing and bedding we own in 2 loads. Three, tops.
Is it possible to have a crush on a washing machine?
Ack.
This time I’m the weirdo with the detergent.
(January 2019, Pensacola FL)
Wow. I don’t know why they’ve put a phone in this brand new facility at all, but you definitely know you’re doing laundry on a military base.
#looselipssinkships
#opsecaf
(February 2019, Barksdale AFB LA)
If I ever forget what part of the country we’re in, I can usually count on the laundromat bulletin board to offer up a clue.
(February 2019, Sturgis MI)
They were the same size when they went into the dryer.
(February 2019, Sturgis MI)
I literally walked uphill.
Through the snow.
(March 2019, Clarksburg MD)
(February 2019, Manassas VA)
My first thought was not, “Wait. Is this here because they’ve had problems with snakes? Inside this laundry room???”
It was, “Heh. MiSNAKEn identity would have been better.”
I sometimes miss the important part of the message.
(April 2019, Elmendorf TX)
Never — no matter how hungry you are — eat cookies that have been abandoned on a folding table.
The dude who left these behind admitted out loud to nobody in particular that they were terrible.
He had also recently informed his companion that he expected to be arrested tonight.
He did not elaborate.
(April 2019, Kerrville TX)
In a room the size of a large storage unit: 21 signs
Nine of them deal with pet bedding.
These humans, under close supervision of their dog, put their laundry in the only machine available, which is the one designated pet-free for allergy sufferers.
Dogs are terrible at reading signs.
(July 2019, Hanscom AFB MA)
I don’t always judge the amount of laundry a gal tries to cram into a dryer, but when I do, it’s because I’ve had to pull out every single abandoned piece in order to use that dryer myself.
I dried and folded my two loads, and there was still no sign of her when I left — other than the mountain of laundry, of course.
Someone has an affinity for neon mesh undies.
(August 2019, Hanscom AFB MA)
Ohmigaw, I love these things!
I was just in here on Monday, and either it’s been installed since then, or I failed to notice it because that was the day I was apparently and inexplicably giving off some sort of “Hey, everybody, please come talk to me” vibe.
Two perpetrators were representatives of my usual gray geezer fan club.
The younger of the two watched me try to rebalance the load in my thunking washer no fewer than three times before informing me that I shouldn’t feel bad because it’s the one that always does that.
The older one, at 86, is still working 16-hour days, says he’s found the secret to longevity, and I can ask anyone in Alamogordo how to find him if I want to talk more about it.
There was also an old Asian woman who didn’t speak quite enough English for me to understand her, so I just smiled and nodded until she left.
It later occurred to me that she might have been saying some version of, “You just put your stuff in the washing machine that always thunks through the spin cycle, unbalanced load or not.”
The fourth and final one was a grandmotherly woman who leaned over toward me as she was walking by, and confided in a low voice, “I know you told that gentleman that you don’t usually talk to men in laundromats, but I met my second husband that way.”
I bet none of those books contains shit like this. Not one.
(January 2020, Alamogordo NM)
I bet he likes pinna coladas.
(March 2020, Borrego Springs CA)
Your mother doesn’t work here.
Left you a note though.
(August 2020, Kanab UT)
(October 2020, Seguin TX)
Wearing the pants you can’t figure out how to wash, fluff and fold on laundry day?
You have to admire that boy’s sense of logic.
Maybe try a car wash for those?
(April 2021, Sturgis MI)
(April 2021, St. Croix Falls WI)
Ew.
It’s one of the dirtiest I’ve patronized, but at least the name is amusing.
Note to self: check dates of last tetanus and hepatitis shots. Maybe google “cholera symptoms” too.
Sandra Dee would not approve.
(April 2021, Wagoner OK)
Why the quotation marks?
Why is it not emblazoned over the sink?
Wouldn’t “Wipe your butt —seriously” be a better option in this location?
I have so many questions.
(June 2021, Lake Dallas TX)
Teen photo shoot in the laundromat.
Can somebody please help me find my eyeballs?
They’ve rolled out of my head and under a washing machine.
Sheesus.
(July 2021, Coeur d’Alene ID)
Threw our stuff into an empty dryer.
Hit start.
Opened it five minutes later to pull out a couple of shirts. (I don’t iron.)
This bright green pet bed jumped out like a Muppet freed from captivity.
We do not have a pet.
I did not put the furry thing in there.
Guess it had been clinging to the top of the drum like Tom Cruise doing some stunt in Mission: Impossible.
(August 2021, Chimacum WA)
When the laundromat is attached to the bar…
(September 2021, Bend OR)
Based on where we are, I know that they mean the greasy clothing worn by local oil field workers.
But I still couldn’t help wondering who would stuff Danny Zuko — or any other T-Birds for that matter — into a top loader.
And don’t even get me started on the apostrophe.
(October 2021, Hobbs NM)
Although it sounds contrary to my posts over the last six years, there really is no drama in laundromat.
Spelling matters.
That is all.
(September 2021, Garibaldi OR)
Author’s note: Just like last time, these posts came from my personal Facebook account. I don’t think it’s plagiarism if I copy & paste my own work, but I thought I’d better explain myself to those of you who are thinking, “Hmmmm. I’m pretty sure I’ve read this before…”
You are gifted, Erma…
She didn’t swear like I do, but I like to think I’d have made her laugh.
Love your posts!! I am the same way about laundry and wouldn’t trade the experiences (or most of them at least) for an on board w/d. Favorite: Canyon Lake, TX: walked in on a Sunday to find 8 single guys all doing their laundry. When done they go to breakfast. Every week.
Least favorite (or worst experience) Jasper ,TX (which was an experience in itself)going into the bathroom of a not-that-clean laundromat to see No Spitting in Garbage Cans gives a real sense of what the place was like.
Hahaha! Is it wrong that I am now looking to see how far we are from Jasper?
Perfect timing. TLG and I are headed off tomorrow morning to do some loads. Wait, that sounds wrong.
Nope. Sounds perfectly right. Have you met me?
Oh, lordy, we’re on our way to a laundromat tomorrow. While I appreciate your hilarious (and damn finely told) tales, I’m happy our rig came with the washer/dryer. I do love getting everything done at once when I have to clean the big stuff, but I never hang around the washeteria to fold. You’re a brave and crazy woman! And I treasure the memory of sharing the laundry room with you in Gila Bend USAFAF. 😆
My favorite thing here is that you and TBG both commented on this post. Ha!
And hey, how am I to attract the attention of all those “eligible bachelors” without staying in the place to do all the folding? It’s not the undies that catch their eye. It’s fitted sheets. Pretty sure those fellas think I’m practicing witchcraft.
This post was a million percent enjoyable and a great start to a weekend! Thanks for the laughs.
Oh, yay! Your compliment is a great start to *my* weekend, so thanks!
I always say that if you think doing laundry is not funny, you just need to have a dryer sense of humor. (A pleasure to peruse your blog.)
I can’t believe I missed that one!